remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
