It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We are two peas in an std pod
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
