I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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