just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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