Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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