Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
3pm strippers are depressing
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
