apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
