I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
