Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
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