OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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