She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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