last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
