oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
