well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
so much tequila, so little girl.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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