i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
