these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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