I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
