I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
