She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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