Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
