me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
