you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
