dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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