BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
