Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
