Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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