I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
