bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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