Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
