I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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