omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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