Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
