you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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