they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
