He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
