WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
