so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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