vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
