There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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