I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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