some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
