I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
