I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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