I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
