I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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