Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
