if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she smelled like a LAN party
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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