I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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