defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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