my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
