My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize