Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
