I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
