Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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