A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
