after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
