Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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