My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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