so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
