Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
