No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
