Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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