My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
