When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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