you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
