so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
