you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize