Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
