So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
