Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
There r osticjed everywhere
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
