I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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