Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
