I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
