i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
