U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
