What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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