a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We were destined to go to rehab together
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
