I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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