Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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