i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
