We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
