how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
