sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
