I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
