do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
