wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
