your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
