He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
