I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Blood and glitter go together right?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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