Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
