Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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