we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
