"it" just moved
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
