Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
