I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
