dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
