Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
