Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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