i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
