I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
