if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
