the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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