Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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